I can see now that I am going to have to kill him.

Jake Gyllenhaal, I mean. I've never really given him much thought except for that he's his sister's brother and I think his sister is sexy in a real-person kind of way.

Now, however, he's given me little recourse but to begin fantasizing ways of choking the living shit out of him.

Why?

Well, not because he's filming nude love scenes with my queen, the goddess Anne Hathaway.



...ok, not just because of that.

He's going on television and talking about it; describing it as "Not bad."

"Not bad."

"Not bad."

I'll kill him.

Remember what I was saying about not thinking much of people who don't appreciate their blessings?

(Obligatory disclaimer: For any officers of the law who may be looking in, let me state that I am just joking.)