Somehow, methinks none of them are exactly waiting by the phone

Omg! on Yahoo ran a celebrity survey for Valentine's Day. According to this, the "Dream Female Celebrity Date[s, for straight men]" are:

1. Jennifer Aniston (24%)

Well, she's certainly very nice looking, and ridiculously fit. But think of all the paparazzi you'd have to put up with. On the other hand, I could tell her how desperately she needs a better shit detector when choosing roles. I maintain she can actually act, but 98% of the time she chooses just to manipulate her sexuality instead.

2. Angelina Jolie (20%)

One thing this poll doesn't make clear is what they mean by "date." If they mean, "Be sexually pleasured by," then I'm down.


BTW, while Aniston tops Jolie among straight men, the positions are reversed among lesbians, who prefer Jolie. I invite you to make your own determinations about Brad Pitt here.

3. Taylor Swift (19%)

Very lovely, but I can't see what we'd have to talk about.

4. Kim Kardashian (16%)

Oh please. She's a bimbo. Sometimes, a pretty nice looking woman (and sometimes, really, really unattractive)...but a bimbo either way.

5. Katy Perry (16%)

Nice and curvy, but she's the Megan Fox of pop: Neither of them know how to move.

6. Rihanna (10%)

Good looking, but something tells me she's a very freaky girl...the kind you don't bring home to mother...

7. Lindsay Lohan (9%)

Again: Please. Even my fantasy dates I like to imagine have greater brains than your average piece of felt. I'd feel dirty even meeting her.

8. Snooki (4%)

I'd rather date a South Park character...and apparently so would most straight guys, as she's also their number one "Nightmare Female Celebrity Date:"

1. Snooki (41%)

2. Paris Hilton (36%)

Good call. There's gotta be a higher class of whore.

3. Courtney Love (33%)

Well, as longtime readers know, I have a thing for Courtney Love...pimply knees and all.
I would like to twitter her tattoos, if you know what I mean.

Now for the, "who would you, if you could, even if you're married or in a committed relationship?" question.

Favorite Female Celebrity to Cheat With:

1. Jessica Alba (24%)

Tho I do like her more since she's become a mom, I'm just not sure there's that much of a freaking' mind there.

3.
(20%)

Actually, I'd put her more on my celebrity date list. She's a good actress, plus I could probably impress her by how good I am with kids. I've a feeling she needs that kind of friend right now. Plus, she's got the body of Halle Berry...

4. Jessica Biel (18%)

No, I wouldn't like to cheat w/her, but I would like to join her gym. I think watching her workout would be excellent motivation to get me in there every single day.

Some more categories:

Favorite Romantic Movie of All Time

1. Titanic (27%)

2. The Notebook (20%)

3. You've Got Mail (12%)

4. When Harry Met Sally (11%)

5. The Proposal (9%)

Neither of my favorites made this top five. They are: The American President and Arthur.

Lady Gaga gets number four in "Favorite Singer to Serenade You."

p p p poker face, f f...