Dueling asses

Have I made it clear that I would like to play doctor with Maura Tierney?

Good.

Once again...the Jennifer Love Hewitt Law abides.

The Jennifer Love Hewitt Law, you'll remember, is that whenever she's unemployed or her career is otherwise in trouble...then out come the tits!

When she's doing well and working, she feels free to wear baggy sweaters and the like. But now, having just a couple of weeks ago been named statistically the Worst Actress in Hollywood...it's tank top season!



Clearly she has a little bit of spin and damage control to do. Meaning that it's time to let the girls out to play!

You'll always be hot to me, Love.

Help, I need a new joke

All I can think of is the old "Outstanding in her field" one.

Holy rat-fucking trap

Ahem. Excuse me.

What I mean to say is: A few years ago, on one of my other blogs, I asked a question which at the time I thought rhetorical. I said,

Jena Malone.



Could she possibly be any more adorable?

Come now to find out that yes, yes she could. If, say, she were to pose in the altogether nude for a photography magazine.

And guess what?

Oh, you guessed.

But I don't want to leave you alone

(See, cause that's Greta Garbo, whose best-known saying was...)

Man, I gotta think of some new things to say...

...about Christina Ricci.

In a very real sense, this scene has never left my head

It's from the classic film Hardbodies, BTW.

I do, I do, oh god, yes I do.

Courtney Love. Oh yes... took to the stage in this bridal-like white gown made up of lace tiers.

Pretties.

Pretty Eyes Will Fool by ~katwithclaws on deviantART

I would like this picture...

...a lot more, personally, if you could see her face. Or at least a suggestion of same.

See? Like this.

Well, now we know who Britney's new role model is

I fall at Jane Wiedlin's feet

I've said it before, I'll say it again

There is no day that...



...can't be made just a little bit better...



...by Eva Mendes in the nude.

Holly Marie Combs looks in stunningly good shape.

She looks so clean to be so dirty

Estella Warren Arrested for DUI, Hit and Run, Assault and Escape

I get the feeling I've gone and made Miss Watson self-conscious about her ears

I think I just found a new "Where we go when we die (if we've been good)"

You longtime members of my vast reading audience will remember my previous nominations in this belief.



1. We take a never-ending hot shower with Virginia Madsen.



2. We get into an ever-warm bed which we never have to leave and in which every time we wake up, this is the first thing we see:

And now I add 3.

We spend eternity floating in a pool with Chloe Sevigny.



("Why, Ben, many of your definitions of Heaven seem to involve picturesque women, wetness and warmth.")

("How about that?")

monochrome

Not that I have anything against Jennifer Aniston's body (more's the pity, boom-tish)...

But this is one of the nicest, best-looking photos of Jennifer Aniston I've seen in a while; I think I feel that way because it emphasizes her face and not her body.

The face isn't trying to be a cartoon of hotness. But a pretty girl is made beautiful when she smiles.

Emma Watson has pretty ears

See what I mean?

In the name of the fallen

nearly nude babes

Unknown Lane Bryant model

Brooke Burke



Jessica Szohr



Rachel Bilson



Christina Aguilera

Megan Fox

and Kim Kardashian.

What this data doesn't take into account...

...is that Love Hewitt still has 36-C tits and Mena Suvari is still flame-broil hot even if she doesn't.

Using reviews from newspapers and websites around the country to come up with a “fresh” or “rotten” score on the “Tomatometer,” the [Rotten Tomatoes] site has become a reliable source of what’s what in film. In a recent Slate article, Christopher Beam and Jeremy Singer-Vine used the Tomatometer scores from the Rotten Tomatoes database to analyze careers in Hollywood. Sadly, [a] casualty of this scientific experiment [was]



Jennifer Love Hewitt

...Jennifer landed at the bottom of the pile of actresses because of her penchant for starring in movies generally considered “rotten.”

Mena Suvari came in a close second.

Did I ever tell you my long-time fantasy involving Kirsten Dunst, the classically beautiful film star?

One day I would like to shop for clothes with her.

I'm quite sure that DC will be suing

But in the meantime, here's Gaby Ramirez, as...

Wonder Woman

Here you fight the force of evil
and our chance wont be denied

In your satin tights*

fighting for our rights
and the old red white and blue

*Or out of them, preferably.